Jigsaw Puzzle

As return visitors may have noticed, my 2018 output has so far been been sparse. That is primarily due to the fact that I am, not for the first time, re-evaluating what I’m doing with my life — I’m not young and I have already faced several life-threatening events over the last 15-years: two struggles with cancer and a devastating, life-altering injury.

I’m not amenable to New Agey stuff, but recently it feels as though the universe is sending me a message: change is needed. I’m not sure if this includes throwing the towel into the photography ring, however, the fans are not sending messages of encouragement and I’m feeling more than a little punchy.

After nearly four decades in the game, is it time to retire?

I’ve also been weaning myself from the social media merry-go-round. Google/YouTube has helped in this regard by demonetizing small channels. My photo channel will lose what little it brings in on February 20 because it hasn’t accrued 1,000 subscribers and 4,000 hours of viewing time over 12 months. I won’t go into detail, but here’s an emotional appeal from someone in the same boat.

At the same time, Facebook is also punishing small businesses with its latest algorithm updates by making it harder, not to mention more expensive, to reach potential customers via business pages.

Both of these decisions are claimed as responses to fake news and other undesirable content on the platforms. Don’t ask me how the social media behemoths expect to control such content by punitive measures against small content creators … especially when the worst offenders are anything but small.

But these developments are not the sole reason I’m reassessing my daily activities; my questions are more existential, re-examining everything from my political convictions to core psychological orientation. It is not a comfortable exploration, nor is it optional.

I’ve hesitated to entertain these thoughts here, at the risk of knocking out what little remains of a career that has brought joy along with the struggles that any creative endeavour entails. I’m not  sure that I’m down for the count, but I’m metaphorically bruised and on the ropes.

Can I fight back? I guess that depends entirely on will. Right now, I need to take care of more important business — tend my wounds, if you will.

I retreat to the garden, where solving stone puzzles is my greatest challenge. Though aging sinews are no better suited to moving boulders than they are to pugilism, there is Zen in allowing elemental things to find their place in nature.